My other blogs - please take a look

http://christianministry2013.blogspot.ca/ http://believe34.blogspot.ca/ These are my other two blogs. It took a lot of work and patience to set these up so please look through them and if you want give me some feedback. I am spiritual still but part of me I still consider Christian and I do want to do some kind of Ministry. Thank you

Need to Vent about my church beliefs *NO NASTY RESPONSES PLEASE*

Ok this is the thing. I went to church yesterday morning and to tell you the truth these people should get their heads out of the mud. Jesus says to love everyone but they go around saying there is only one God and if you don't follow him, ok I am not going to go any further then that because to me that is just foolishness. In my view they take a book that basicly we don't have a sweet clue when it was published and now in todays society they are going through that. I do believe that Jesus exists, that there is a heaven but I also believe that all religions should be equal. Then they went on to say that we should only marry throughout our own denomination. I felt like telling them off at that point. I am not married nor dating anyone but if I ever wished to do so I would no matter what the religion etc he was. I also believe that religions should never base anyone through sexual orientation. I am bi-sexual and I honestly don't feel that I live in sin. It was how I was born so how I see it, Jesus must have wanted me to be that way. So this is my vent for today. Thanks for listening.

My favorite Soap Opera Actress Jeanne Cooper has died - June 8, 2013

I have watched Young and the Restless for as long as I can remembered as Katherine Chancellor has passed away on May 8! This is probably old news to the fans of the soap opera but due to my busy schedule I never heard about it until now. In my opinion she was the one that held the Soap Opera: Young and the Restless together and I don't know how they would go on without her. She put this soap opera on the map by showing her addiction problems through the show when it wasn't popular to do so and also she had the bandages taken off from her face lift on tv in the 1960's - 1970's. She will definantly be missed. There will be a tribute for her on May 28 during the time of Young and the Restless.

Chocolete Lasagna

Ok I probably got terrible spelling but I couldn't resist sharing this with you. For any of you who are vegan I am sorry but I have to contribute to both. CHOCOLETE LASAGNA Ingredients • 1 pkg regular Oreo cookies (Not Double Stuff) – 36 Cookies • 6 Tablespoons butter (melted) • 1-8 ounce package cream cheese softened • ¼ cup granulated sugar • 2 Tablespoons cold milk • 1-12 ounce tub Cool whip divided • 2-3.9 ounce packages Chocolate Instant Pudding • 3 ¼ cups cold milk • 1 and ½ cups mini chocolate chips Directions 1. Begin by crushing 36 Oreo Cookies either through a food processor or by placing them in a large zip lock bag and crush them with a rolling pin until the Oreos are fine crumbs. 2. Transfer the Oreo crumbs to a large bowl. Stir in 6 tablespoons of melted butter and use a fork to incorporate the butter into the cookie crumbs. When the butter is distributed, transfer the mixture to a 9X13 inch baking dish. Press the crumbs into the bottom of the pan. Place the pan in the refrigerator while you work on the additional layers. 3. Mix the cream cheese with a mixer until light and fluffy. Add in 2 Tablespoons of milk, sugar and mix well. Stir in 1 and ¼ cups Cool Whip. Spread this mixture over the crust 4. In a bowl, combine chocolate instant pudding with 3 and ¼ cups of cold milk. Whisk for several minutes until the pudding starts to thicken. Use a spatula to spread the mixture over the previous cream cheese layer. Allow the dessert to rest for about 5 minutes so that the pudding can firm up further. 5. Spread the remaining Cool Whip over the top. Sprinkle mini chocolate chips evenly over the top. Place in the freezer for 1 hour or the refrigerator for 4 hours before serving.

Get Better - Get Worse

Hi there, Well I was so busy with school, work, flu etc that I never really even thought about writing in the blog in what seems like ages. I am struggling with school since it seems like the people have their own little cliques and I am just not wanted in it. Also, school is driving me nuts since it is getting to hot in here to do anything. On a positive note: I am now going to counselling every week to do with my depression and writing in my journal on a daily basis. Might not seem like a lot but I know that I am getting stronger everyday. I am not crying at the drop of a hat, not happy all the time yet but I know that I am improving. As for my religion: I am still questioning it. I love Jesus, want a relationship with him but at the same time I believe in other things as well. Still it keeps popping into my head that I got a calling to become a minister which frusterates me since I am already in a lot of debt and my mom already said she won't fund for another program. I used to have big dreams but now that the biggest one is over I feel lost. In the next few days I will be posting recipes etc onto this blog so please stay tuned.

Does God still love me?

Lately I have been praying and I feel like  the Lord isn't listening to me.  I wondor if its because I messed up so many times that he is just fed up with me.  Does he actually love me?  My ex says He does and since me and my ex are still good friends I trust what he says but I feel so low and empty.  Ended up going to the hospital but the doctor just swept me off and said what I was feeling is normal.  I am not a doctor but these feelings ain't normal.  Mom told me to stay positive around my ex so I won't push him away but its getting harder to do.  Even hearing the birds singing ain't making me happy. I miss my ex, his family and cats so much but so happy that me and him are friends. I need hope that tomorrow will be a better day and I need hope.

Days just got worse

My man broke up with me today and all I did was cry throughout the day and I looked horriable. Staying with mom tonight since I don't feel in the right state of mind to be alone.  We had so much planned out but because I was an idiot I ruined it all.  I am totally devestated because he was the love of my life.  We r still friends which is so precious but my depression is so bad and wondoring if jesus will forgive me

Lost

This might be the most personal blog yet but feel like I need to write it.  Recently my depression has been getting worse and tonight I had a nervous and emotional breakdown and even though I can't get into it I ended up hurting a few people and right now I am devistated.   The reason that I am writing this is not to get attention but to bring awareness and I also need to let it out. I made a mistake of not taking my meds for my depression combined with being tired and stressed its not a good combination and one that won't be repeated. Ended up crying and freaked out now I just feel alone and feel that I don't deserve love and Jesus. My faith has been shaken and I feel Jesus hates me among others. My message to those who has a mental illness is to take treatment, talk about what's stressing you, meditate ( which I will be starting tomorrow and also journaling).   Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. Talked to the mental health line twice, didn't take away all the pain and the beat up for those whom I caused pain but hoping they will still want me in their lives and forgive me

As low as low can be

Today I went to my mans place and of course mom made me feel like shit. I am so confused since I want to go home but at the same time I can't see it a very good idea for me to be alone tonight. Since I can't please  anyone including myself that I am confusing my man and also me.  I have been in tears for the past two hours  and I am so frusterated. Hope tomorrow is a better day. I am so lost.

New me, new life, new hope

Hi everyone

First of all I want to say that I still believe in spiritual and supernatural and even though some viewers might not come back I feel like I have to be totally honest with myself and others and hope someone will be touched and enlightened by the message.  I am still very openminded but my Divine is Jesus. I actually saw a vision of him and seen so many miracles and visions not  to believe in him. At one point I saw a little boy be cured of cancer and a prevention of a suicide. He has helped me through so much and still does. Even today I was running low on food. I prayed and my mom bought me some and I didn't ask for it.  As I want to point out again I am very openminded about almost all of peoples beliefs.